Man Cooks Himself in Protest

In a public protest over the price of soup, a man cooked himself in this giant soup pot earlier today.
A bit of thyme, some rosemary and a few bay leaves were added after the water came to a boil, the pot simmered for about 35 minutes, then it was drained through a giant strainer, and a beef-chicken stock was folded in while stirring.
The whole was then placed in a pre-heated oven at 450 degrees for 45 minutes, and a bit of fresh chopped parsley was added for color.
Fresh ground pepper was added to taste, and served piping hot.

Elephant Soccer Star

Ernesto Elefanto the famous elephant soccer star posed for our camera this morning at practice.
He is expected to lead his team's win in the Cup playoffs.

Man Turned to Stone

This man was turned to stone by simply having looked briefly at a Medusa wandering by.
"People used to turn to stone a lot more when the Medusa was out in public," a guardian at the Medusa Temple informed this reporter. "Nowadays, we only get one or two a week."
Several dozen people who have been turned to stone by the Medusa are on FREE display at the Medusa Temple Bookstore's Display Department.
"You can be turned to stone for a small fee," the guardian told us. "we've had many requests for this service, and in the past few years, the demand is growing."

Coca Cola Machine Attacks Russian Soldier

A Russian soldier was jumped by an overly aggressive Robotic Coke Machine early this morning. The Taman Division Serviceman said, "I put in a couple Rubles, and suddenly 4,000 pounds of leaping vending machine came at me...fortunately, I was able to leap backwards just in time and I did, in the end, get the soft drink."
The Coke machine and Russian soldier were both questioned by the authorities and the matter was dropped entirely. The Coca Cola machine has resumed its post and is still dispensing soft drinks at this time. No suspension was ordered by the vending company, as the soldier dropped the charges against it at the preliminary hearing.

Strange New Bird Species Seen at Psychic-Star Blog Offices

This large and unusual bird of an unknown and previously unregistered species flew over my house early this morning, depositing a large golden egg on my lawn and then rising quickly to fly back to its nest, somewhere West-Northwest of here.
I took a quick photo to send in to the Audubon Society -- they will surely be delighted to catalog this new bird and to notate its unusual markings, which give a strange sense of intention to the natural selection process.
I checked my audubon bird catalog but was unable to find a close match.

World's Largest Butterfly Lands on Woman's Head

Reportedly the world's largest butterfly known to Man, this Java Ketchupbinder landed on a woman's head while she stood watching the Royal Ascot races on Ladies' Day.
The enormous butterfly was captured and pickled after being pried off the head of designer Kristensen, on whose head it had plastered itself during the opening ceremony.
When fully dehydrated, the giant butterfly will reside in the Permanent Collection of Lepidoptery on the 5th floor of the British Museum.

Head-Bashing Champion

Argentina's World Cup Headbasher Maradona delivers his World Champion Headbash against former World Champ in the Heavyweight Headbasher class, Luke Warm.
In accordance with World Class Headbashing Committee Regulations, both opponents had their brains removed prior to the event.